so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
not ubering you a puppy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize