why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hippo gnu deer
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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