took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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