We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
birth control should be required to get into college
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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