Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She bit a glass in half.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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