I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
