Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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