I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
