I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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