You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize