You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
