kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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