youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Randomize
