I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
