my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
