I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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