i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize