So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
