it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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