I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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