i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
