Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
