This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
