it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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