I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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