no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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