you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
as a side note pls kill me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
