I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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