And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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