I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
