i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
