so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
