She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize