Ambien. No doubt about it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
