i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
