i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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