I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Randomize
