I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
