Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
MIDGETS
????
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize