i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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