They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
