I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize