i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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