it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
