I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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