I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
