you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
