I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk is not a location!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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