I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
