Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
