i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize