Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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