i permit you to call me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
