I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
