she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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