mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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