your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
D3 body, D1 cock
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
