The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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