Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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