Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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