it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize