I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
