So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
