I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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