Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize