You smell like a Billy Joel song
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
