What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
