the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
