if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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