I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My dick has a subreddit
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
