I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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