I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
