Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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