friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I pour the whiskey from now on
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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