My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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