I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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