I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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