dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
