Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
