We're facebook friends in real life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
