i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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