he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
