Kiss
Puke
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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