i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
soo... how was my night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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