guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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