you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
