Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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