Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize