In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
