haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
