When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
