Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
