oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
